Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if only i could text you this smell
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
