I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
