A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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