why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
