you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
