I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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