Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
