Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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