Umm I'm too high to move.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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