I hate your face
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
