why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
