I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
