I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
