my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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