Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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