she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
