I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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