cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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