I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
