it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
areolas are like halos for boobs.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
