This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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