im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The Olympian is in my bed
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
