i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
