census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
