oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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