This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
