So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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