How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
