I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
