just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
