Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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