Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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