Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
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Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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