and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
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I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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