Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
