I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Small penises have feelings too.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
