HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
