Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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