So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
