Someone shit on the floor
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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