At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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