what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize