Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
