I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
