I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
