I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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