u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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