Farmville is her only friend.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
