Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
