is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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