things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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