I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
and you fell through a lawn chair
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
