I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
