haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
