Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
