I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
