Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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