PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
