Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
