Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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