oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
