i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
