She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
