does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
