he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
