if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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