I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
