what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
