just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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